Relationships are by definition people being together. But when do you know whether it is a healthy relationship or an unhealthy one, maybe the relationship is toxic?
You know what the most beautiful thing about a relationship is to say? “I can be myself! You are accepted with all your edges and corners and you are relaxed. Do you now feel confirmed – or caught?
According to a WomenNow.in survey, only ca. 40% of the readers asked believe that their partners love them. So, many couples are unhappy in their relationship. But there is a difference between an unhappy relationship (you can work on that!) and a toxic relationship. As the name suggests, the toxic relationship poisons life. And you can do what you want, it doesn’t get any better. Only worse.
Little or no sex, many reproaches, a lot of arguments and psycho games, no “we”-talks and so on – and no relaxation. You are always on your guard. Why not just break up? Not so easy at all. Because who is in a toxic relationship, often does not find the exit simply. We help you!
What is a toxic relationship?
You have the feeling that you are together with an energy vampire? Someone who not only robs you of strength, but also the joy of life? Every meeting becomes a cramp. Accusations, quarrels, verbal insults up to physical violence (also there is, unfortunately!). Sex has not been on the agenda for ages. And no matter what you do, you do it wrong. But you still don’t manage to break up? Welcome, you are in a toxic relationship!
Why not just go?
Fear of being alone. The hope that things will get better (after all, it was about 5 minutes right at the beginning of the relationship, somehow!). And a lack of self-esteem can also be reasons why you don’t make the jump.
In twos, but alone
You had a root canal, but you really need to go to girls’ night? You’ve just lost your job, but HE doesn’t want to come by? You’re in a relationship, but still lonely. In a partnership you should be there for each other and support each other. In a toxic relationship there is no such thing. Is that really how you want to live?
Pros and cons
It helps if you honestly put the advantages and disadvantages of the relationship on paper and write down a list of pros and cons. What is good – and what is bad? Important: You really have to be relentlessly open. The next step: Write down what you want from a relationship. What does the ideal relationship look like? At the latest then you realize that desire and reality are very far apart.
Hey, we have to tell you something …
The friends only meet alone with you because you can’t stand the drama queens of your buddy with their constant nagging? Outsiders often realize much faster that something is wrong. Sometimes it’s good to listen to your friends.
No more apologies
Even if things are going so badly, you always talk beautifully to yourself (and to others). Why? Stop it! Or, as Albert Einstein once quite cleverly realized: “The definition of madness is to do the same thing over and over again, but expect different results”. And are you insane?
The conversation
Breaking up is never great. If you’re in a toxic relationship, even less so. To be fair, there should be another conversation. Make it clear what you are missing and why it doesn’t go on like this. Don’t buckle now!
Zero contact rule
Now there’s peace and quiet in the box. That can be very relieving. If “the conversation” has really led to the separation, one must now take the time to grieve. Of course you will still start to glorify the past and say to yourself “that actually everything wasn’t that bad”. Then you should bring out the pros and cons list. It brings you back to the hard ground of facts. Important!
Be good to yourself!
Meet friends again who have neglected you. Do sports. Start a new hobby. Shop for fancy clothes. Go away for the weekend. Everything that does you good and distracts you is great! Self-love is now all that counts!
The best reason
No toxic relationship is worth wasting its lifetime on someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Repeat after me: You only live once! And this life should be as content as possible – if not even happy. Ideally with a person who has fun and joy.
