5 Ways to stop being the “Problem” in the relationship

Having you been having the difficulty in sustaining quite a number of relationships that you find yourself falling in, over and over again? Do you keep blaming others for all the misery that you are put through? It’s time to relook all that you have been doing in all these relationship. If you are honest to yourself, you will definitely find a constant pattern in all your romantic endeavours. You might actually be the problem. If you have a big “Yes” to what I have been hinting at, you will be interested in knowing how you could make your relationships more fulfilling and stay forever. Here are a few things that you need to realise before you head on to another self- destructive relationship.

A relationship is not always about “You”

This is the number one thing that is sabotaging your relationships. You are more concerned with the “You” than the “We”. When you take individual decisions you are “You” but once the significant other comes into picture, by which I mean when your decisions have an effect on him, it is always the team work that should be involved. Self care is good as long as you don’t get completely consumed in it having nothing to contribute in the relationship. Have your own zone when you want but you have to inculcate that sensitivity when you are in a relationship with another person who has sentiments attached with you. If being distant from yourself is difficult for you, you could better stay single or else relationships will be forever hurting.

Find the balance in the bedroom

Sure, you might have a host of fantasies that you expect to be fulfilled by your partner. But are you a bit too extra which intimidates you partner? Is he always put through a performance test which you end up analysing and making him feel bad about? In that case, you must be having a serious discussion with your partner telling him all your inhibitions and your fantasies just so that he is prepared about what he has signed up for. Extremities look good on the silver screen and may not be within the capacity of those you choose to be intimate with. With all due respect to your fantasies, keep that under control with a man the first time you decide to have sex. You wouldn’t want him to feel like you are all to experienced when he is expecting quite an abiding one in the bedroom. Analyse what he wants first before you decide to show him what you have.

Tone down that superior attitude

There is a lot of compromise even in the best relationships. And those where the balance is slightly titled towards either of the two can go wrong. If you are someone who is always trying to exert your superiority, you might be hurting the other person’s ego. Being a Feminist is no harm, but make sure you don’t overstep the limit to become a feminazi. Even if you have a man who abides by what you say, honestly, do you think he likes seeing his ego being crushed every day? No! Women are attracted to men who can take charge. Well that’s how our genders have been socialised. You can’t change that in a day! The same goes for men who like to see a softer side in the woman they are with and not have a woman tell them what to do all the time!

Stop playing the blame game

Nobody like being told what’s wrong with them. If you are in a tug of war with your partner, you have to be sensitive towards their state of mind. Listen more than talk. Know more than assume. Clarify your doubts by minding your tone. He isn’t your slave just like you are his. SO, the fact that you are equals, you have to be respectful of your partner at all times even when you can’t stand him during an argument. It is wrong to come up with ultimatums. It might actually do your job of having him admit to his mistake for the time being even when he is not at fault, later, it will no longer work.

Let him know what you want

Sometimes, we just keep expecting without even letting the other person know what we want. It’s one thing to be repeating something and not getting it and other to remain silent and keep demanding something unfairly. It is impossible to know what’s happening in your partner’s mind no matter how long you have been together? Do you think you just get your partner correct all the time? It’s not possible. So, don’t complain when you are guilty of giving that silent treatment and you get something completely different than what you had expected.