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Is your partner verbally attacking and assaulting you? Do you think the treatment you are receiving is unjust? Read on to determine whether your partner is a potential verbal abuser.
Underestimates You
A verbal abuser will undermine you every chance he/she gets. Everything about you is flawed according to them, everything you do is not good enough. He/she will discourage you, demotivate you, say everything to kill your confidence and pull you down everytime you do or think of doing something nice.
You will never be good enough even though you are absolutely perfect. They will underestimate you and throw words at you till start doubting yourself and your worth.
Insults In The Form Of Sarcasm
Their witty humour has now turned into bitter, dark insults. Insults cloaked in a shadow of sarcasm and dark humour. Instead of flirtatiously teasing you, they have now started cracking jokes on you which not only humiliate you but also make you feel bad.
While you’re with his friends, he/she insults you in the form of jokes and makes their entire group laugh at you. This kind of constant battering can really be abusive and can cause a lot of mental distress to the victim.
Secrecy
What causes this verbal assault?
Do you keep a lot of things from one another? Secrecy and dishonesty can be the cause for verbal assault from the abuser. He/she might feel that they are not being given the complete information or are being lied to. Doubts and suspicions build up and come in the form of outbursts of verbal attacks.
One must always be honest with their partner. One must not keep secrets and other information confidential from their partner for it might cause them to overthink and come up with the wrong conclusions causing fights and verbal assaults.
Avoidance Issues
The abuser has avoidance issues. They do no hear you out, don’t feel the need to understand how you feel and of course are never apologetic for this behaviour. They completely ignore and avoid your grievances.
They are in complete ignorance of the prevailing situation. They have no idea how it is mentally distressing the victim. In fact, they are in denial of their condition as well. Sometimes, the abuser even forgets the harsh things he does or says. This is not a big deal for him/her.
Negativity
All the abuser emits is negative energy. Everything they say to you, every vibe they give out – all of it is negative.
Sometimes you look to your partner for some emotional and physical comfort, when he/she simply brushes you away with some negative retort. He/she has no regard for your feelings and responds to every endearing gesture with a negative emotion.
No Respect
The abuser has no sense of respect towards you.
Condemning
The wrongdoer will judge every action of yours – and be it good or bad – he/she will criticise and condemn you for it. All your decisions, choices, clothes, attributes will be criticised miserably.
Overpower You
Your abuser is overpowering you, he/she is dominating you and making you work according to his whims.
You cannot be a weakling in front of the abuser, you need to stand up for yourself and stop giving in to his authority over you.
Accusations and Complaints
Anything goes wrong, you’re the one to blame.
The abuser will blame and accuse you for everything that goes wrong in his life – from the water of his/her bath being too cold/too hot to the amount of money he/she earns at the end of the month. It’s your fault if they earn less money, it’s your fault if they don’t reach work on time, and it’s your fault even when the electricity goes out!
Make You Get Accustomed To This Behaviour
This is the normal situation.
The abuser makes you get accustomed to receiving this kind of treatment. He/she makes you believe that this is what is normal now.
Incessant insults, dark humour, criticisms and constant rebukes is what you have to put up with for the rest of your life.
Blackmailing
The abuser blackmails and threatens you from time to time in making you do things or act in a certain way or to acquire material things from you. He/she threatens to leak pictures or break up with you if you don’t fulfill his/her wishes.
He/she intimidates you into making you do things against your will. He/she will even decide the kind of clothes you must and must not wear!
Argumentative Undertone
Have you noticed how your abusive partner always has an argumentative tone to whatever he/she says? How they always want to disagree, argue or prove you wrong even though it’s an idea you’re merely putting forth?
Offensive Nicknames
Randomly or even in normal conversations, your abusive partner calls you with offensive nicknames. He/she might call you a “bitch” or “bastard” all the time, or any other such offensive and hurtful name no woman/man should be called by.
The Wrongdoer Will Never Admit
The abuser will never ever admit to his/her mistakes and wrongdoings, or the mental torture that he/she makes you go through on a daily basis. Oftentimes he/she is unaware of this condition.
They are unaware of how hurtful their treatment is, unconscious of the impact of all the mean things they say – or they simply do not care. They will just not apologise.
Screams At You
He/she screams at you, throws harsh words at you, and intimidates you.
Demanding
Constantly commanding and demanding – wanting and needing things from you. The abuser in the relationship repeatedly demands things from you, he/she controls your actions, asks for whatever they feel like, whenever they feel like, and they make sure they get it through blackmail or by force.
In other words, he/she literally bullies you in every possible way without physically hurting you.
Inferiority Complex
Another cause for this abusive relationship might be that your partner is suffering from inferiority complex issues. He/she feels somehow inferior than you – may be because of your qualifications or extreme good looks. Your partner constantly discourages you because ultimately they want to outshine you, overshadow you, so that you don’t always take away their limelight.
This complex issue gets to him/her, gets inside their head and makes them revolt in the ugliest, most negative way possible making your relationship a mess of gruesome events.
I tell every man or woman to stand up against verbal abuse and assault from their partners or beloved kinsfolk and friends, to encourage their friends and relatives who are the victims of such mental stress to revolt as well. Things can be much better, much healthier, if only you stop giving in to all the atrocities you are being made to endure.
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