Is the fear to commit to a relationship slimming down your chances of having a long lasting and happy relationship with your partner? Before we move forward, let me just clear the air by saying that commitment phobia does exist and it does among both the sexes and not just the men, as we have seen in the past.
The reason being that as women are increasingly taking up male dominated roles such as financial and social decision making, they too are now witnessing issues regarding commitments.
How would you know that the reason for your failed relationship is your fear to commit and how would you cure it?
This article would run you through certain insights about commitment phobia and what all you can do to overcome it.
ARE YOU COMMITMENT PHOBIC?
Falling into a relationship with someone who’s a commitment phobic would only mean just waiting to face the inevitable that is a broken relationship. You may want to give it your all but that phobia of yours just doesn’t let you.
The following 10 quick ways would guide you on how to overcome your fear of commitment and increase your chances of staying longer in a relationship.
Identify Your Fear
Soothe your nerves and let your emotions flow in order to realize what sort of a conclusion you think your relationship would lead to. Try to assess what exactly terrifies you that your bond may end up in a divorce or being departed forever? Do you fear that your partner may not love you as much as you would? Is the thought that you may lose your independence stopping you from going all in? You would be better prepared to face and conquer your fears if you are aware of what it is that you actually have to deal with.
Be a Risk Taker
Getting into a perfect relationship is like hitting a home run. You may not lose anything by not betting money on the next move but you would never win the jackpot without pushing all your chips in. So be bold and take the risk, accept the fact that relationships could fail and remember that yours may or may not too if you don’t give it a shot. As someone has rightly said, no risks no rewards. Don’t wait for the ‘right time’, as it may never arrive, your partner may not show it but she could be going through the same condition as you are.
“The only time when you can be brave is when you are afraid” (game of thrones)
Live In The Moment
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, that’s why it’s called present”
Don’t let the thought of what happened in the past or what surprises or horrors the future might bring ruin your present. Try to live in this very moment. If you are happy with the way your partner treats you today then let that feeling carry as long as it does.
It may not be easy but try to act based on your emotions. It all may turn out to be a waste if at the end you lose the one that you did everything for, try to seize every moment and grab every opportunity that knocks the door. Living under the shadow of your fears would only make your life miserable.
Let Your Examples Be A Lesson
Look deep and try to find the reasons as to why you turned to being a commitment phobic. Was it the pressure from your family? The horrors of past relationship? The insensitive treatment from your partner? Or is it the lack of initiative in the relationship?
Whatever the case may be, just make sure that your actions are just the opposite of what they were in those situations. Think of fresh ways to approach such situations and try to handle thing more innovatively, the results may simply surprise you.
Meditate when the fear strikes
People usually avoid getting intimate with their partners just to calm down their fears without realizing that they may be running down their chances of a healthy relationship.
Meditation through deep breathing, trying to divulge into happy memories of your relationship could be effective ways of diverting yourself from your scary thoughts.
Don’t be too hard on yourself
Are you amongst those whose panic swath gets on whenever you hear the word ‘forever’? If the answer is yes ,the avoid the word when you think about commitments. The word forever carries a lot of weight and it may make you apprehensive of committing, instead try to commit for short periods, say a month or even a week. Committing in every short period may turn out to be forever in the long run. Priorities committing now over committing forever.
Think about the ‘ What If?
Before you start running away from commitments, just stop and take a moment to think first. What if I end up being alone? What if the relationship turns sour? What if your partner finds someone better? How would I feel if I am on the receiving end of all of this? What if I can’t use the same trick again in such situations?
You see, this is the train of negative thoughts that only leads to disaster.
Now think of what you could be losing if you let your fears get the better of you, if it helps then write them down so that you could remind yourself over and over again easily.
Over thinking doesn’t Help
You would be surprised to know that a survey revealed that over thinking actually may lead to poor decision making. When it comes to decisions regarding relationships, both the heart and the brain need to have an equal say. Being a commitment phobic may cause you to over think every situation and you may end up taking wrong and unnecessary decisions.
Next time when you face such a situation, think with both your heart and brain. Try to find out what makes you happy.
Set realistic expectations
If you think that every relationship is a safe bet the you may always end up getting disappointed. People afraid of commitments are usually the ones afraid of getting hurt and that is what they try to avoid.
Perfect relationship is a myth. No matter how much two people love each other, there would always be arguments and fights leading to one or the other person getting hurt. Pain is inevitable in a relationship and it is only when you survive through the worst your bond gets stronger.
No relationship carries with it a guarantee to work or last forever but to begin with the doubt that it may fail would eventually lead it to facing the same fate.
Make your partner aware of your fear
If you think that she is the one, then make her aware of your fear of commitment so that she can get a better idea of why you behave the way you do. Try to talk to her but in a way that explains the issue but does not make her feel like she’s the one at fault. She ought to know that it’s you and not her and the only reason you are sharing things with her is because you care for her.
Overcoming the phobia of commitment would be a tedious task but it isn’t impossible.
The first and most important step is to realize that you actually have it and to commit to overcome it. In case you think you cannot face it alone seek help from your loved ones or seek professional help.